Slip sliding away

Wow, it's really easy to slip into negativity without knowing it, isn't it? Despite my best efforts I was beginning to dwell on the bad side of life until the positive nature of the new business gave me the proverbial wake-up call that I was unconsciously becoming who I did not want to be. A quick visit to the training videos, which are really more self-improvement guides than anything else, and I feel better already. Why is it that we need to be reminded of what we already know, that life is great and we have the choice as to whether we embrace that greatness, or reject it?

I can't answer that, I just know that I'm a lucky guy! This has made more difference in my life than anything I have ever done before.

All things in their time

So lately things have been really hectic in all phases, and I'm having so much fun it's hard to stop. Last night I found myself watching a video that I really wanted to watch but nodding off while doing so. I was really too tired to absorb what I was seeing. No matter how fast you want the acceleration to be, your engine can only rev at high speed for so long before it needs to idle for a while.

All things in their time. Today is catch-my-breath day, organize, do routine tasks, nothing too over-the-top. Even a refreshed mind needs rest once in a while. Part of living a better life means learning how to live a better life, and that includes rest. You can only burn the candle at both ends for so long before the twin flames meet in the middle.

Your point in working, or pointless working?

We all have to work to eat and keep a roof over our heads...well, okay, maybe not all of us, but I do and most of the people I know do. Anyway, I've been thinking lately about why I work. If it's mere subsistence then I don't think I will be as productive as I could be, I want more.

When I attended the Brookhaven Bash here in Memphis this month, there were at least three rescue groups there. I gave each one a few dollars, but I want those few dollars to grow to ten, and later twenty or more. How much could it change the day of an animal rescuer if they found a $100 bill stuffed in their little jar for donations? That's my goal, to be able to afford that.

I want to wake up in the morning and decide to work on my book all day, with no interruptions and no feelings of guilt. Maybe it's selfish, but that's my goal, to lose myself in the minute details of reconciling radically differing accounts of the same historical event, weighing the evidence for both and choosing which one I believe to be true, then supporting that position. Doesn't that sound like fun?

I want to throw a ball around in my yard with my pups, just because they like it. I want to be able to let them run around and play and bark to their little heart's content, because the neighbors aren't close enough to be bothered by all of the commotion; that can't happen now. I want to travel, travel, travel, to see all of the great historical places I haven't seen yet, to sometimes just lay on a beach and read, or swim under the warm Caribbean sun in mid-January. I want to physically see the places I write about.

There's more, of course, but essentially I want to buy back my time and help whoever I want, whenever I want. Two years from now is the timetable for me to be in a position to start doing that. Whether I make it or not, that's the goal.

The big picture

Isn't it amazing how much effect your mental state has on your physical being? Today is a chilly, foggy morning in Memphis, my neck hurts from the old wound and a very busy Sunday has left me tired, yet today is a glorious Monday filled with promise and opportunity.

When you work for yourself there are always those moments of worry about this or that decision, or fretting when business isn't what you expect or a customer is not happy. These things happen and when you're the boss, it's up to you to take care of the problem, whatever it might be. And this is when the lure of working for someone else is strongest, the comfort of knowing that your paycheck is coming, that as long as you do X amount of work you will receive X amount of pay, that all of the problems fall on someone else.

This attitude, of course, is illusory. Because if there are problems at a job where you work for someone else there is a feeling of helplessness and inevitability to them, because only the boss of bosses can do anything about correcting things. Decisions are out of your hands. Your fate is not your own.

So give me independence every time. Let me look on a foggy, chilly morning and see the successes yet to come, not the failures I have always dreaded. Let me be glad that my commute to work is up 13 steps, that my biggest fear on the way is spilling my coffee. I'm not sure why I resisted this outlook on life for so long, but there's no point wallowing in regret. I found it now and that's enough.

Yowzer, let's get this week going!

I love the internet

So, we are almost out of dog chew toys and that is a crisis around here. When Kona wants to chew, you'd better find her something or you might be minus one table by morning. Just ask our kitchen floor. And if Sadie, Gracie, and Kona don't have toys to occupy them, they become bored. Boredom leads to furniture loss, never a good thing. So, today I went online to look for discounted dog toys.

I found a 65% off sale at PetMountain.com. Wow, terrific. The same toys bought locally would have topped $100, since I've bought them all before, and I paid about half that. And to make it better, free shipping over $49! I loaded up the cart but then, before checking out, I looked to see if maybe I could get a rebate on top of this. After all, I got a hefty chunk back on my new laptop, so why not check. And guess what? PetMountain.com was there, so I got up to 7% back.

Man, do I love the internet.

Expectations

I have just read Marc Accetta's Tip #2 of Guaranteed Ways to Improve Whatever You're Doing, and boy, is it true. Essentially, his advice is simple: expect success. See, we've all had our self-confidence beaten down over the years by negativity, by people giving us 'constructive criticism', by those who tell you that you can't do something, by those with low expectations who criticize your new adventure by saying stuff like "it's a scam", or "nobody ever wins those" or "you'll never get that book published. Whatever it is you are doing, there will be people to tell you why it will not work. As for me, how many times have I seen a successful person off on a trip somewhere or driving a new car and said "man, that never happens to me."

Well, that stuff happens to everybody. The difference is that successful people see opportunity where those less successful see potential failure. I have always been the second person, expecting mediocrity and achieving it, but no more. Now, I expect success. And the best part is that I'll be finding it with friends.

Focus

I've never been big on motivational type stuff, although Kathy has, so I think this may be the big change in me that everybody keeps mentioning. I had gotten pretty comfortable in my curmudgeonly status of being the gruff and cynical, but ultimately lovable (ha!) guy that everybody can always count of to rip something without thinking about it. And we all know someone like that, right? Not the mean sort, who say hurtful things to be hurtful, just the wink-and-a-nod type cynic. That was me.

Well, now it's not. And the operative word for me to concentrate on above is 'comfortable'. A synonym for comfortable is also 'stale'. I had done what I now see so many other people have done, they put life on auto-pilot and reclined for a nap. But rather than bemoan the years I could have been actively living, I choose to be thankful that I have finally snapped out of the sleep-walking through life that I had been doing and have re-engaged the gears, rusty though they might be.

Now the big question is: how do I take care of these dogs so I can head to Cozumel for a break?

When your instincts are right

Sometimes you do things that just feel right, but they turn out to be dead wrong. I found that out with my best friend, when I let my enthusiasm drown out my message. Listen more, talk less! But other times you react to something the way you think is best, and you find out that you were right. Speaking of boosting your self-confidence! So how do you know the difference?

Instinct is a reflex of the mind, and just like a reflex that is formed through the repetition known as muscle memory, the mind has to be exercised and trained until instinct is formed. That's the best thing about this new venture, the new outlook that has come about from exercising my brain in a new way. It's like dusting a stuffy old house after a long winter, only you don't sneeze as much.

Plowing ahead

As with any human endeavor, this one has its share of frustrations, but I think my personal growth is greatest in learning how to deal with these frustrations in a more positive way. Mostly they stem from disappointments, which is why they can be so hard. You want to do something fun for a change, you want your friends to join you, but they decline. Why? What are people so afraid of? You ask a long-time friend to come and out play and they all but slam the door in your face. I don't get it. But you cannot dwell on it, because that makes you wonder whether you were ever actually their friend or not, and that is a dark path that leads to many negative thoughts.

So I choose to be sad for them and continue to hope that one day they will reach the stage that I have reached, where new things are not frightening but are exciting. See, I remember living that way, and looking back my biggest regret is that I didn't wake up sooner.

The Chicken List

You know what that is, the list of things you are afraid to do, or people you are afraid to call or tasks you are afraid to begin...we all have a Chicken List, and the only way to overcome the fear that sometimes paralyzes us is to confront it head on and just get it done. Whatever it is, embrace the Nike slogan and 'just do it.'

Sure, it might not turn out well. But so what? Is failure by action really worse than failure by inaction? Are you really better off by not trying something that might not work than by just saying the heck with it and seeing what happens?

Of course nobody wants to go off unprepared for something, or to do something irrational, but that's not what we're talking about here. The Chicken List refers to that thing for which you are ready, willing and able to undertake, but you don't because you're afraid. If you're going to crash, I'd rather flame out trying to make a landing than circle until I run out of gas.

I was too smart to learn

It's a terrible realization, a hard thing to admit. You live most of your life thinking that you have achieved a place of wisdom and sound judgment, only to realize that what you perceived as wisdom was, in fact, mental laziness. Essentially, you, who value academic truth and perpetual questioning in search of that truth, have been fooling yourself into believing that you were being objective and rational, when the opposite was the truth. At some point you stopped listening because you already knew what the person was going to tell you, or what you were going to read, and you already had your opinion formed, even if that opinion were based on little or no first-hand knowledge. Frankly, I'm not sure that many people ever actually reach this point of realization. Maybe most people my age have stopped the process of self-evaluation that leads to such breakthroughs in enlightenment.

Thank God I haven't. Or, to be more accurate, I have pushed beyond that barrier. As our faithful readers know we have started a new business, one that I questioned for months. Somehow, though, God granted me just enough new-found insight to lead me into the process of exploration and discovery. In turn, that had made me realize just how completely wrong I had been. Where I saw inequity, there was equality. What I thought was real was actually a mirage, and the mirage was reality. How did I fall so far as to dismiss truth in favor of chimera?

It's hard to say, now. But it no longer really matters, as long as I don't fall into that same trap ever again. The road is new and straight for the first time in ages, and all I have to do is follow it wherever it may lead.

No moment is wasted if you are learning something new

I've been on this philosophical bent of late, but I suppose that's what happens when you re-engage your brain after being on cruise control for a few decades. I was on the phone last night until about ten o'clock discussing business, ate a late dinner and then tried to do a little more work before going to bed. I was pretty tired after a long day.

But, lo and behold, some compartment of my mind opened and instead of writing book descriptions or something similar, I worked on the book I'm writing, which I had not done for weeks. That long business discussion apparently weakened the wall of writer's block that was holding me back, although I have no idea how or why. There was one particular passage that was giving me trouble. When you write non-fiction, and you have multiple sources relating the same incident but with differing details, it's often hard to reconcile them. Then, when you have different incidents happening in the same area on the same day, but unrelated to each other, it's very hard to construct a whole that makes any sense.

And yet there it was, the whole story just flowing out the way that it should and coming together to form a cohesive picture. It was great. So, why did the long conversation about something totally unrelated break down whatever barrier my mind had erected? I have no idea. But it did, and I'm grateful. No matter what you may be doing, no moment is wasted if you are learning something.

Dream Stealers

Monday night I was glancing at AOL and saw a story about college graduates holding up pieces of paper stating they had spent all of this money on college and can not find jobs. Who told them they couldn't find a job? How hard did they try? I know things are tough out there, but commerce is continuing and it's time to be creative. This is not to downplay the obstacles facing people these days, but honestly, what good does complaining do?

But maybe that's just me. I'm glad now that I don't have a job and that I'm not looking for one right now. I would if I had to, but at the moment I do not have to. I work for myself.

Twice.

Things being what they are these days it would be easy to complain and fret and over-analyze and remain frozen in place because of fear. Inertia can easily set in and make you feel helpless and hopeless. And this becomes doubly discouraging when people share their misery with you. These are called Dream Stealers. We all know them.

It's not that such people mean to cause pain or depression, although I suppose they could be doing it intentionally, but they are unmotivated and negative and cannot believe that anybody else could possibly find things to be positive about these days. When you mention a dream to them, such as starting a new business, they come up with every reason you can imagine why this is a terrible idea: the economy is bad, money is tight, global warming, cloning, stray comets striking Earth and wiping out Mankind...their list of reasons you will fail is endless. And if these are the people you listen to, they will steal your dream and convince you that you will fail.

So this is fair warning to Dream Stealers: I'm not listening to you anymore. I don't have time. I'm going to be too busy succeeding to listen to all of your reasons why I'm going to fail.

Some Days You Get the Bear

For me, there is something immensely satisfying about waking up on a cool, sunny fall morning with a brand new week to look forward to. Our dogs all get excited and begin play-fighting to see who gets close enough for an ear scratch or a belly rub, a morning ritual that takes place daily even though every one of them will get their fair share of attention without scrambling for it, or having to nip their sister's hind leg. The coffee is brewed and ready for pouring, since having a coffee-maker with a timer is a must around our homestead, and then it's time to get ready for the long commute to work. For me, Bill, that consists of not spilling the coffee as I make may way upstairs to the office where I run both businesses.

This is perhaps the most exciting moment of the day, checking email to see if new opportunities have filled my inbox while I slept. (And no, I don't mean million-dollar fortunes left to me in the will of a Nigerian uncle I never knew that I had) And today, there was. What a great feeling, to know the moment when the hard work of running this or that business pays off. How many people want to run a company from their office?

Probably a lot. And here I am running two of them. No doubt the week will bring its fair share of challenges...in fact, it already has. I have already spent 20 minutes on the phone clearing up an issue with a website. No doubt there will be more setbacks and frustrations and irritations. But so what? That's all part of life, and whatever the way in which you earn your living, you're going to deal with problems at some point. But as I deal with them I will always remember that the business decisions I make are affecting my businesses, not somebody else's. For good or ill, this is my own personal little business empire, and I've got to tell you there's no feeling in the world like being your own boss.

Some days that feels like you are at a county fair, walking the midway with noise and people and barking carnies all swirling through your brain and demanding your attention. You stop at one of those booths where you throw softballs at some stone bottles to win a prize. Sometimes, you throw the softballs at the stacked milk bottles and miss, or just graze the bottom-heavy bottles that tilt and almost fall over, but don't quite. But some days your aim is true, you smack them dead on with a perfect throw, and it's you who knock down the bottles and get to pick your prize. And you want the big prize, the one directly overhead and placed so everybody who walks up can see it.

Some days, you get the bear.

ITCTBR

Two months ago this described me. ITCTBR.

I'm Too Cool To Be Rich.

At its core, this was where my so-called skepticism came from. I was too cool to open a new business, I was too cool to try and help other people better themselves, I was too cool to listen to new ideas or any other that motivational and self-improvement stuff. Why did I need to improve myself, I was pretty terrific the way I was. Wasn't I?

And I was certainly too cool to be rich, because becoming rich meant having to be uncool, and we can't have that, can we?

Fortunately, I'm not cool anymore. My mind is working again, the sun is shining brighter than ever before and I have learned more new things in the past two weeks than in the previous two decades.

It's cool being uncool.